50 Shades of Twilight

Who hasn’t heard of it… the erotic novel by the British author E.L. James. By many people it’s called a “Mommy Porn book” because it’s mainly read by married women over the thirty. Yes, I’m talking about 50 Shades of Grey.

As many people know the book and the trilogy, was originally a Twilight fan fiction titled ‘Masters of the Universe’ that was posted online. James decided to take it down after some comments about all the sex that the story contained. James’ American publisher said: “Masters of the Universe and 50 Shades of Grey are two distinctly separate pieces of work.” But the site Dear Author, which compared the two works side by side, revealed that the texts have 89% similarity. It’s more than a coincidence that 50 Shades of Grey was so soon published after James took down Masters of the Universe.

Anastasia Steele with the nickname Ana (Bella) is an English student who lives together with her friend Kate. Kate has an appointment with billionaire Christian Grey (Edward) for an interview for the student newspaper. But because Kate is too ill to do the interview, Ana replaces her. Ana knows nothing about him and she didn’t prepare the interview. He’s nothing like what she has expected, he’s young, handsome and very intense. After the interview she tries to put him out of her mind because she thinks he’s out of her league. She can’t believe it when this perfect man starts pursuing her. But Christian Grey has a dark side. No, he isn’t a spy or a vampire. His dark secret is his playroom. He is into BDSM.

The whole book is about how messed up he is, but she can’t stay away from him because she thinks she can change him.
The story is cliché and uninteresting and the characters are very shallow.
This hilarious review gives a good impression of the characters.

In the book Ana has two internal characters; her inner goddess (some sort of euphemism for vagina) and her subconscious. Her subconscious is constantly scolding and admonishing her. As this review points out, that’s not what the subconscious does. You are not actually consciously aware of the subconscious because it is sub conscious; it is below the level of consciousness.

The review also points out the weird use of the italics. James is using the italics all the time, so it loses all meaning and force. She also uses an overflow of ellipses…

What was frustrating as well, was how many times Ana was saying “Oh my” (79 times), “crap” (101) and “holy cow/shit/crap/fuck/cow/Moses” (172!).

The worst part of the book was the tampon scene.

“When did you start your period, Anastasia?” he asks out of the blue, gazing down at me.
“Err… yesterday,” I mumble in my highly aroused state.
“Good.” He releases me and turns me around.
“Hold on to the sink,” he orders and pulls my hips back again, like he did in the playroom, so I’m bending down.
He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string… what! And… gently pulls my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet. Holy fuck. Sweet mother of all… Jeez. And then he’s inside me… ah! Skin against skin… moving slowly at first… easily, testing me, pushing me… oh my.

A guy plucking out a girl’s tampon, that’s just gross. There are lines people shouldn’t cross.

I can’t understand how this can be a bestseller.

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